some recent texts, sent & received, out of context, alphabetized, spelling and grammar intact

A man on a huge motorcycle just drove by blasting Taylor Swift.

Bacon.  EXPLOSION.

Clearly you meant raped the shark!  Zing!  HAW HAW HAW

Clusterfuck with carpet

He smells like soup

I am pretending it’s money I will put in a suitcase to give to algerian drug lords in order to prevent your feet from being cut off

I planted future juleps tonight

I would sincerely love to be your set dressing.

I’m unfortunately in bed with Chuck Klosterman instead of you

Never do a suicide

Other than going to the bathroom, I can’t think of a single activity your company wouldn’t improve

That was a terse answer, having a gurblugh moment

Trouble in paradise with SLOW and Snac-man

We’d hang posters over the mold spots to make it homey for you

Well it will be a minnesota surprise then.  I think I just invented a new sexual position?!

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